May 15, 2014
It struck me hard today. The need for me to practice what I preach. Literally.
Let me explain. Overall, I am capable, even good, at being able to forgive others. I know the gift of being forgiven because enough people have forgiven me over the years and I hope and pray more will do so in the future. My husband is an excellent example of gifting me with his forgiveness. So my heart wants to be big into forgiving others, and mostly I succeed.
But there are a few instances that I have continued to hang onto. One just recently reared its ugly head. Someone, who now happens to be a colleague, hurt me deeply several years ago. What made it worse, my efforts to try and talk it out got me nowhere. He refused to hear my explanation or understanding of events and believed another person's version.
Even after years have gone by, I find myself still holding onto that hurt. It came out recently where I serve, in a way that sounded self-justified and, quite frankly, pompous. Shame on me! I know better than to not practice what I preach. I know I should forgive this person and never speak in a way that might harm them.
So I ask forgiveness for not forgiving. I ask forgiveness for not living as I challenge others to do. I ask forgiveness of myself, and I pray, this time, I truly forgive my colleague.