Day #2015

July 8, 2019

As I mentioned on Day #2005, my husband’s cousin died tragically a few days ago. As we prepare to go to NC for the service and to be with family, I have been thinking a lot about grief and its many aspects. There is sudden grief that can come with a tragic or unexpected death. There is long-time coming, gradual grief, that can be the result of a prolonged illness. There is long-term grief, while we learn to live without a loved one's presence over weeks, years, even decades. There are “stages” of grief, laid out like a path by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance), but in reality these have nothing to do with moving from one step to another. We can go from denial to anger to acceptance and back in the span of days, even minutes. And I’m not certain acceptance ever really comes, we just learn to live with the “new normal.” The pain of loss can be as sharp as it was when it was new, depending on how a memory, a smell, a place, etc., affects us, for years to come. 

Perhaps the most important learning for me in the midst of many and various kinds of grieving is realizing I am not alone in my grief. None of us are. While we cannot walk the path for someone else, or have someone else walk the path for us, we are “in grief” with others. And most importantly, we are “in grief” with God. And while we may be honest about being angry at God for the person’s death, God understands and is there for us and with us. 

So for all those who are grieving in any way, prayers of comfort and peace. And if I can be a listening ear or a strong (or soft) shoulder, I’m here!

Blessings.