May 14, 2016
There is a constant struggle that goes on inside of me. It is between the desire (and need) to care for self (and for spouse) and the desire/call/and need to care for others. Keeping some sort of balance is difficult, sometimes nearly impossible. The needs are huge and ever-present - and the feeling of overwhelming selfishness when I must say no, or do not get to what I feel should be done for someone else, is great. Yet, sometimes I must let something go for the good of something else.
How are decisions made? With lots of prayer! Are there ever regrets? Yes! Do I make mistakes? Certainly. Can I be in two places at once? Oh, if there was only a way.
Please know it isn’t that I think only I can be the one to do something for others or tend to their needs - it’s certain I cannot or am not. Yet, only I can be wife to my patient (thankfully) husband, or only I know when I must have some refueling time. Just know that when I do take time out, it isn’t without struggle or prayer. And if I miss something important, it isn’t without feeling much angst.
In the end, I love what I do. Truly! And it’s all good. Yet, the struggle is real. Thank you for recognizing that and understanding!